A River Of Light

Question to Answer:

Why do you think Meredith's father blames Meredith and Catherine for his separation from his daughter?

"Without A Map"

“I want to go home, home to my adult life, with its losses carved forever in my path, with its possibilities, like unformed clouds, calling me forward” (116).

Meredy is finally able to come to the conclusion that running away is not going to make her problems disappear. In the start of her journey, she wanted to forget her past and get away from her regrets as far as possible, but the more she kept traveling, the more she realized something. The faster or farther she ran, the closer and stronger her regrets became in her head. She has finally decided that running away is not the answer and that she needs to come home. Meredy is in over her head and she is exhausted. She just wants some type of normality back in her life instead of the struggle of living day by day. She is finally able to stand up and be an adult. She wants to make up for her regrets. She now knows that there are possibilities for her, endless ones. She is not just running away fro, her fears and regrets, she is also running away from new possibilities.

People cope in different ways. Traveling was Meredith's way. Now she is ready to face her reality. To start new relationships, new beginnings, and maybe even have more children. Meredith is ready for her second chance at happiness.

"Stronghold"

“I suddenly realize that at this minute I am happy” (38).

    Meredith has had an extremely difficult time in the past months. She feels as though she has

completely lost her childhood and her family. She, no longer, is accepted anywhere and she has to lie

about her pregnancy. She has no true confidants and no one she can fully trust. Meredith has had

happiness ripped away from her, until this moment. She finally is allowed a slither of happiness. To

finally feel like her old self, when she was accepted by all and a "good" girl. She is lucky enough that

she has found an action that calm her and reminds her of the life she deserves. Through all she has gone through, she can still smile.

    I can relate Meredith in this situation. I have my one spot where I know I am truly happy. She has

found her release of all her pain and aguish. She is not completely free from her negative thoughts

and feelings, but she was finally able to take one step forward away from them.

“We do not talk about the child inside of me, his future, my future, love, fear, betrayal, loneliness” (22).

    Meredith does not get the opportunity to be treated fairly. She is just looked at as a mistake, a

failure, and a whore. No one lets her talk or be seen. She needs to be hidden and she rots in her s

shame. She is never allowed to talk about the idea of her keeping her child. She is not allowed simple

privileges. She is like Rapunzel, kept away by her "mother". Her family has somehow decided that

her life has ended. That after this event her life will cease to exist. Her past will always be kept

hidden and she will never again feel like a good girl.
   
    Hall is describing her parents neglect in this one sentence. She was all alone before her Labor Day

sex on the beach and they have left her alone again. She is talking about her silence within her

relationship with her parents. She never had a voice because they were never around and now she

doesn't have a voice because they refuse to allow her one. She can never ask questions, talk about

how she is feeling, and especially acknowledge that she may want to see the life inside of her grow

up. She describes in one sentence, to me a jail sentence.

Don't Let Me Drown

“I am drifting in over my head and want my mother to grab me out of the tide” (6).

    Meredith has always been used to a structured life style. She was known as a good girl that when

told to do a task, she never asked any questions, never argued. She followed the rules and her mother

provided her with her undivided attention, until the summer of 1965. Her mother was not the same

stay at home mother of her youth. She had a marketing job and went out late with her boyfriend.

Meredith's mother pushed her to the back burner. Her actions seemed as though she was buying time

until Meredith left the house. Hall did everything in her power to gain her mother's attention.

Meredith wore skimpy bikini's, traveled with boys she had just meant, went to questionable parties,

and nearly never saw her mother. She turned into a rebel in order for her mother to notice her. Her

choices started to become more and more dangerous and Meredith got in to deep. All she wanted was

her mother to ask where she was going. Her mother's recklessness, damaged her. She became

someone she did not trust or recognize and there was no there to help her get out.
    
    I cannot imagine a life where my mother just pushed me off to the side. I truly believe that id my

mother had done this to me, I would have ended up just like Meredith. I am extremely close with my

mom and I loathe when she leaves me out of events or gives me the silent treatment. That breaks me,

Meredith did not even have a mother left. She was asking and wanting only for attention, to be

wanted. Meredith's mother destroyed the person that was her daughter and made her grow up to fast.

Everything Wrong-"Shunned" Response

“It didn’t last because my friend was a boy, a boy who knew how to fight back, a boy who believed that he could interrupt the current and draw his world back into order.  It didn’t work because he felt powerful, after all, worthy of those friends and their loyalty” (xii).

   At this time, women were inferior. They could not stand up for themselves the same way men could. They had to stand back in take it. Her friend was able to move past the fight and the friends that left him behind because he knew no one was going to judge him for his decisions. Women do not have these same luxuries. They have to abide by everyone else's rules. Hall expressed this in the 'shunning' of her main character. This story of her friend his the explanation of why she couldn't fight back, because she wasn't expected to. She is a woman and the job of a woman is to blend in and do what the are told. Do not cause damage to anything and obey.
    Hall expressed the inequality between genders. Hall's main character's father of her child, got off  free, but she had to suffer the consequences. Her pregnancy was her fault, she should have contained herself, she should not have seduced him. Hall expressed all that is wrong with this time period and situation in this one quote.

She's Only Human

Sarah has this jealousy towards her younger sister. Any opportunity she has to ridicule and embarrass Rachel, she takes the opportunity. This is all because of the attention that Rachel is given. Sarah is jealous of the relationship her parents have with Rachel because she wants the relationship. She wants to be treated the same way Rachel is treated. Her words were an accident. She was angry, Rachel was once again beating her. Even when she is being ridiculed, Rachel keeps her head high. Sarah wants to beat her sister. She never meant to turn her sister's world all the way around. She never meant to change the family dynamic. She was just angry. She was just being human and expressing her feelings. She regretted ever uttering the words "...you dirty leper" (Brennert 36). She never meant to. She was shocked at herself. None of what she said was planned or intentional. This is why is chose to draw this symbol for Sarah. The 'S' is to represent her name. The line down the middle is to represent her two different sides, the angry side and the ashamed side. When Sarah is angry, she is uncontrollable, like a large fire. Afterwards, she was fragile and still uncontrollable. The 'S' has tears coming out from the top because she was in some much shock, that the tears represent her loosened hold on the situation. Sarah may have said what she did in anger, but that's all it was anger. She never expected to feel the sadness of her words as well.