A River Of Light

Question to Answer:

Why do you think Meredith's father blames Meredith and Catherine for his separation from his daughter?

"Without A Map"

“I want to go home, home to my adult life, with its losses carved forever in my path, with its possibilities, like unformed clouds, calling me forward” (116).

Meredy is finally able to come to the conclusion that running away is not going to make her problems disappear. In the start of her journey, she wanted to forget her past and get away from her regrets as far as possible, but the more she kept traveling, the more she realized something. The faster or farther she ran, the closer and stronger her regrets became in her head. She has finally decided that running away is not the answer and that she needs to come home. Meredy is in over her head and she is exhausted. She just wants some type of normality back in her life instead of the struggle of living day by day. She is finally able to stand up and be an adult. She wants to make up for her regrets. She now knows that there are possibilities for her, endless ones. She is not just running away fro, her fears and regrets, she is also running away from new possibilities.

People cope in different ways. Traveling was Meredith's way. Now she is ready to face her reality. To start new relationships, new beginnings, and maybe even have more children. Meredith is ready for her second chance at happiness.

"Stronghold"

“I suddenly realize that at this minute I am happy” (38).

    Meredith has had an extremely difficult time in the past months. She feels as though she has

completely lost her childhood and her family. She, no longer, is accepted anywhere and she has to lie

about her pregnancy. She has no true confidants and no one she can fully trust. Meredith has had

happiness ripped away from her, until this moment. She finally is allowed a slither of happiness. To

finally feel like her old self, when she was accepted by all and a "good" girl. She is lucky enough that

she has found an action that calm her and reminds her of the life she deserves. Through all she has gone through, she can still smile.

    I can relate Meredith in this situation. I have my one spot where I know I am truly happy. She has

found her release of all her pain and aguish. She is not completely free from her negative thoughts

and feelings, but she was finally able to take one step forward away from them.

“We do not talk about the child inside of me, his future, my future, love, fear, betrayal, loneliness” (22).

    Meredith does not get the opportunity to be treated fairly. She is just looked at as a mistake, a

failure, and a whore. No one lets her talk or be seen. She needs to be hidden and she rots in her s

shame. She is never allowed to talk about the idea of her keeping her child. She is not allowed simple

privileges. She is like Rapunzel, kept away by her "mother". Her family has somehow decided that

her life has ended. That after this event her life will cease to exist. Her past will always be kept

hidden and she will never again feel like a good girl.
   
    Hall is describing her parents neglect in this one sentence. She was all alone before her Labor Day

sex on the beach and they have left her alone again. She is talking about her silence within her

relationship with her parents. She never had a voice because they were never around and now she

doesn't have a voice because they refuse to allow her one. She can never ask questions, talk about

how she is feeling, and especially acknowledge that she may want to see the life inside of her grow

up. She describes in one sentence, to me a jail sentence.

Don't Let Me Drown

“I am drifting in over my head and want my mother to grab me out of the tide” (6).

    Meredith has always been used to a structured life style. She was known as a good girl that when

told to do a task, she never asked any questions, never argued. She followed the rules and her mother

provided her with her undivided attention, until the summer of 1965. Her mother was not the same

stay at home mother of her youth. She had a marketing job and went out late with her boyfriend.

Meredith's mother pushed her to the back burner. Her actions seemed as though she was buying time

until Meredith left the house. Hall did everything in her power to gain her mother's attention.

Meredith wore skimpy bikini's, traveled with boys she had just meant, went to questionable parties,

and nearly never saw her mother. She turned into a rebel in order for her mother to notice her. Her

choices started to become more and more dangerous and Meredith got in to deep. All she wanted was

her mother to ask where she was going. Her mother's recklessness, damaged her. She became

someone she did not trust or recognize and there was no there to help her get out.
    
    I cannot imagine a life where my mother just pushed me off to the side. I truly believe that id my

mother had done this to me, I would have ended up just like Meredith. I am extremely close with my

mom and I loathe when she leaves me out of events or gives me the silent treatment. That breaks me,

Meredith did not even have a mother left. She was asking and wanting only for attention, to be

wanted. Meredith's mother destroyed the person that was her daughter and made her grow up to fast.

Everything Wrong-"Shunned" Response

“It didn’t last because my friend was a boy, a boy who knew how to fight back, a boy who believed that he could interrupt the current and draw his world back into order.  It didn’t work because he felt powerful, after all, worthy of those friends and their loyalty” (xii).

   At this time, women were inferior. They could not stand up for themselves the same way men could. They had to stand back in take it. Her friend was able to move past the fight and the friends that left him behind because he knew no one was going to judge him for his decisions. Women do not have these same luxuries. They have to abide by everyone else's rules. Hall expressed this in the 'shunning' of her main character. This story of her friend his the explanation of why she couldn't fight back, because she wasn't expected to. She is a woman and the job of a woman is to blend in and do what the are told. Do not cause damage to anything and obey.
    Hall expressed the inequality between genders. Hall's main character's father of her child, got off  free, but she had to suffer the consequences. Her pregnancy was her fault, she should have contained herself, she should not have seduced him. Hall expressed all that is wrong with this time period and situation in this one quote.

She's Only Human

Sarah has this jealousy towards her younger sister. Any opportunity she has to ridicule and embarrass Rachel, she takes the opportunity. This is all because of the attention that Rachel is given. Sarah is jealous of the relationship her parents have with Rachel because she wants the relationship. She wants to be treated the same way Rachel is treated. Her words were an accident. She was angry, Rachel was once again beating her. Even when she is being ridiculed, Rachel keeps her head high. Sarah wants to beat her sister. She never meant to turn her sister's world all the way around. She never meant to change the family dynamic. She was just angry. She was just being human and expressing her feelings. She regretted ever uttering the words "...you dirty leper" (Brennert 36). She never meant to. She was shocked at herself. None of what she said was planned or intentional. This is why is chose to draw this symbol for Sarah. The 'S' is to represent her name. The line down the middle is to represent her two different sides, the angry side and the ashamed side. When Sarah is angry, she is uncontrollable, like a large fire. Afterwards, she was fragile and still uncontrollable. The 'S' has tears coming out from the top because she was in some much shock, that the tears represent her loosened hold on the situation. Sarah may have said what she did in anger, but that's all it was anger. She never expected to feel the sadness of her words as well.

Found Poem

Fragile and Picked On

Left With Nothing

Strength Appears

Confidence Repairs

and You Blow the Rest Away

Anyone Can Stab You In the Back

A song that reminds me of Mary's experiences with Jenny: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WS2WLrRShO8

    Jenny is is an awful sister. She has tricked and stolen from her. How can a sister do this, especially to her twin. She disgusts me so much. Jenny is so jealous of all her sister ha s accomplished that she is willing to do anything to have power over her. Jenny doesn't realize that  She has no power over Mary. The only power she had was Thomas and Thomas has openly admitted that he is not sure which sister he prefers. Jenny is a witch and she makes me incredibly angry.
 

The People On my Back

The people on my back have always been right on my heels, judging making sure I am doing the

right thing.

She causes more stress than I can handle in one lifetime, never mind in two seconds.

He is so loud that I can barely hear my own thoughts.

I shake every time they speak, afraid of the disappointment that may come with their words.

The people on my back expect too much of me.

The people on my back want a better life for me.

The people on my back want me to succeed.

The people on my back want me to experience great adventures.

Their words are never hurtful, there is just too many of them.

All of their worries circling in my brain when all I want is to experience.

Their words are never hurtful, there is just too many of them.

The people on my back also inspire me every day.

They let me see the struggles they went through and I now know why I call them the people on my

back.

The people on my back want a better life for me.

The people on my back want me to succeed.

The people on my back want me to experience great adventures.

I see why I consider them the people always on my back,

The people on my back are my parents.

Jane's Identity

Jane is the foundation of a role model. She is the foundation of the novel and of her own life. Also, she has fire inside of her and sometimes her foundation breaks. Jane is fiery and sometimes her anger becomes better of her, but at these moments we see the true Jane. Jane is most powerful when she is not sunk into herself, but when she defends herself. Her foundation may break, but she does what is right for her. This is why I drew a broken, burning house and chose this quote for Jane. Even though her foundation is broken and a fire is burning inside of herself, she still chooses what id best for herself.

There Is Nothing To Peel Back

Dear Mr. Rochester,

    I am only writing you this letter to let you know that I am safe. I will not tell you my whereabouts or who I am with. You will no nothing of my journey. You, Mr. Rochester, deserve no such graces. I owe you nothing while you owe me the world. Why would you wait to tell this secret? Why would you not explain to me? Why did you refuse to grant me a choice? That woman maybe in your care, but I was and am not! I do not deserve to be under someone’s control. I will never know if you truly loved me or I was your way out. I hope that it was not the latter. I want you to know that I am in love with you. I fell in love with you even though you are boring to look at. I fell in love with the man who worshipped me, but knew exactly how to push my buttons. I do not know the man who stood before me the day I left. The man who was desperate, who was violent, and who was threatening. I do not know him and I do not wish to know him. I left you that day. I closed that chapter of my adventure and I started a new one. You are no longer welcome in my world. One day our lives may cross paths again, but now in the present you know me as your ex-governess, nothing more. How sad this is to write you this letter. Our life was supposed to be a magical one. We were supposed to be partners. Now I am turning into you. I am embarrassed of my past. I am keeping secrets from people who have taken great care of me. You have made a liar. you have forced me into experiences that I do not wish on the most cruel of humans. I want you to never look for me. You will not find me. I do not wish to be found, especially by you. Give everyone my love.

Sincerely,Jane Elliot

An Eight Year Old Maturing Beyond Her Years

Throughout her journey, Jane has changed from the small little eight year old girl who was angry to a

 

young woman who has a better understanding of the world. When she was living in Gateshead, she

 

was unhappy and mistreated, therefore she would lash out and be a disruptive young girl.  

 

Throughout her time at Gateshead she was ignored and disliked by her “family” members, as well as

 

most of the staff. Her cousin, John, abused and commanded her around the house. Her aunt would

 

ignore her and punish her when she would defend herself against her cousins. The staff belittled her

 

and never cared for her. During her final days at Gateshead, instead of being her usual self, she

 

fought back against the cruelty. When John came to “punish” her she attacked him instead. When her

 

aunt accused her of being a liar, she fought back against her aunt and told her that she, her aunt,

 

deserves the title of being a liar. After leaving Gateshead, Jane started to leave her old ways behind

 

her. At Lowood, she met Helen. Helen showed Jane how to accept her faults and forgive even the

 

most unforgivable people. When Mr. Bocklehurst came to visit Lowood for the first time since Jane

 

had been there, he, again, accused her of being a liar and instead of Jane retaliating against this

 

powerful and rude man, she stayed silent. Later that day, almost adult-like, she approached Ms.

 

Temple and was able to tell her side of the story. Jane was able to explain that she was not a liar, but

 

that she had grown up into a home that treated her such. Jane’s next conquest was when she became a

 

governess.  She is first faced with the secret about Grace Poole and her possession. When the first

 

attack happens with Jane in the house she does exactly as Mr. Rochester asks of her and she never

 

asks any of her own questions. During the second time, she follows his rules and speaks to no one

 

about the possession going on within the manor. Overall, the action that had shown that Jane’s

 

maturity had fully bloomed was when she was summoned back to Gateshead. She returned to a

 

family, that never treated her as one of their own, without any bitterness.  She returned to a woman

 

who blamed her decisions that her mother had made. Also, to a woman who acted as though she

 

never existed. She did all this with no rebuttal and with no question. She returned to a nightmare, just

 

to be able to see an aunt that took her in unwillingly and to tell her that she was forgiven for all of the

 

cruelty that she had put Jane through. Jane returned to Gateshead with an open heart and to give

 

forgiveness to her aunt and to her cousins, Eliza and Georgiana. She was able to finally put aside her

 

differences and have civil conversations with her cousins. They learned of her great ability to draw

 

and she drew portraits for them. She cared for the aunt that never cared for her. She sat with her when

 

everyone else was busy and she listened to her ramble about nonsense. Jane was able to forgive all.

 

From age eight to age eighteen, Jane has made huge differences in her life. Most of all, Jane has

 

matured into a wonderful young lady and she is able to show this throughout her journey.

My Comfort Zones

            I have lived in the same house since I was born. My dad moved into our home when he was five. My dad lived out his childhood in my childhood home. I hold this home close to my heart. This home is where all my break downs have happened. Where all of my successes have been raged about. Quimby Ave has seen the many changes my life brought, but this green painted, bricked house is my figurative and literal foundation. Most of my firsts have happened in this home. After my first real heartbreak, I couldn’t cry into my mother’s arms, but I cried into the arms of the couch that have seen everything. There is not a wall in this house that does not have a picture hanging on it. My heart and memories reside in this house. They reside in my yellow room, which my grandfather painted a year before he passed and I can never change because my emotions will become too sad. They reside in the room my brother and I shared for four years. This home is my heart.

            My other home is my smile. This home has changed slightly, but it has always stayed on the same street. Salisbury beach, with her long summer days, as well as her nights. The first vacation I ever took with my family, the first place I ever got lost, the first place I ever received sad news, and the only place all my family comes together without a question. I never have a day that I am not smiling outside the porched house. This home is in the middle of nowhere. This characteristic has always been my favorite because I am able to be free. I don’t have commitments, my family and I can walk or drive for miles and not be disturbed, and I don’t see anyone from my hometown for weeks and that can be an amazing thing. All of my cousins grew up here. We grew up playing whiffle ball, football, Frisbee, just about every activity you can imagine. My favorite memories are here. This is a home that will never disappear.

            Sometimes homes do disappear though. Sometimes they move on from you before you’re ready to leave. A fast move from a town you grew up in or a precious object leaving without a trace. Growing up, my dad always drove a large truck. As a little girl, I knew that was what I wanted my guy to drive.  My lost home is in the passenger side of a truck that’s not my dad’s. This truck belongs to someone dear to my heart. The laughs, the late night fights, the crazy sing-a-long snap-chat stories, those are what I miss most from my lost home. Homes do not always have to be something that is in your life. Sometimes a home can just be a fleeting memory. A memory that makes you smile. This home is a vision of me in the passenger seat of a big, black Ford truck…smiling…forgetting all of my troubles. That is what a home is supposed to mean to someone.